b'camaraderie with the artists who made thistrying to work that piece into lesson plans andintensely studied and critiqued in variousPastoral. I had studied the map of the museum work, lending solace to my journey throughactivities, never quite finding the right way tocourses for the past two years. He gave meand memorized the gallery number it resided their own experiences.teach it. The truth of the matter is that thatspace to cry when we reached Artemisiain for weeks before my trip. On my first night I left Philadelphia at the end of my freshmanpiece is truly a teacher of art and art historyGentileschis place setting but waited patientlyin Paris, I couldnt sleep. The excitement of year and wound up at Texas Tech, studyingmore than any one person could ever do.As Ifor me to catch up to him when I was ready atseeing Pastoral kept me up all night. I studied art education. For my 21st birthday, my fatherwas about to begin student teaching, I wentthe end of the table. google maps to find a cafe midway between gifted me with a trip back to Philadelphia, toout on a date with my on-again-off-againI spent every dime I had to move to Manhattan.my air bnb and the museum with reviews of see the only US stop of the Discovering theboyfriend. Although I said I wasnt ready toI got a NYC ID my first week to have a freebeing kind to Americans, I tried on various Impressionists: Paul Durand-Ruel and the Newshare something so important to me with himmembership at almost all the art museumsoutfits hating everything I brought like a girl Painting exhibit. Stepping into that spacewe ended the date at the Dallas Museum ofin the city. I took advantage of this programgoing on her first date ever. I eventually fell took my breath away and made me sink downArt. I pressed a smile on my face and knew thebecause I was essentially penniless andasleep and woke up a few hours later with on a bench to take in the people and spacebest way to get through the experience was tocould not afford regular admission tickets,all my clothes surrounding me on the bed. I around me. The art I had long adored hungfake happiness. As we left the Impressionistslet alone memberships. It was worth it. Arthastily got my purse together and got ready. side by side with companion pieces they hadand entered the standard European gallery,was my home, wherever it may be, and this isAs I neared the cafe I had picked out for my not been shown with since the initial creationI stood in front of The Abduction of Europa.where I found a sense of communityamongbreakfast, I realized I was running too early, and exhibitions in the 1800s. Pieces I onlyMy date thought it was a pretty picture andthe lived experiences dazzling on the walls. Iand that the museum would not yet be open. I ever had wild dreams of seeing individually,didnt understand why I had tears in mytook myself to the MoMA the day I got my ID,tried to leisurely eat my breakfast and wound never thinking I would see them all together ateyes. As he continued wandering throughmainly to see the Rauschenberg retrospective,up at the museum steps about an hour before once. I observed all the people in the galleries,the gallery barely interacting with the art Ibut also to have access to air conditioningit opened. I sat outside and doodled in my taking in their expressions and reactions,tried to pull myself together in front of thatin the NYC August heat (another luxury Isketchbook. When the time came, I was the noticing they all looked the same; older andpainting. I hated how calm she looked andcouldnt afford to put in my Washingtonfirst one into the museum and found Pastoral white. The only people of color in the gallery6 how she looked like an object. I disliked howHeights bedroom). As I wandered the galleries,with ease. I stood as close as possible with seemed to be the guards that reminded meI was in the company of a person carelesslysavoring the cold air, I was drawn to a paintingmy hands behind my back, after 10 minutes many times to stay behind the line that day. Onwandering my sanctuary while I to me, it wasI had scoffed at in my textbooks, Whiteof close investigation the tears took over. my walk back to my friends house from themy sanctuary from the rest of the world. ThisPainting (Three Panels). I was transfixed andI sank to the floor crying at the beauty of PMA I cried a little knowing how few peoplewas my communitythe community of artistsashamed I had ever thought it to be a joke of athis mysterious piece, realizing I had never would have transcendental experiences suchpast and present, healing old wounds, andpainting. I would say I loved Rauschenberg asthought about what seeing my favorite piece as that in an art museum, and how few peoplenurturing new adventures. an artist, but that White Painting is a shame onfor years in person would feel like.felt welcome in art museums. I knew then thatWhile student teaching, I spent part of myhis portfolio. I chuckled to myself about howOnce I arrived back from France, I was asked I needed to end up in an art museum to makespring break in Brooklyn. Together, with mymuch I had abhorred modern art not even ato consider moving back home to Plano to my places of sanctuary a welcome place forfriend, we went to PS1, MoMA and the Met allfull five years prior and then began to cry. I letwork. I was in a vulnerable place trying to all. in one day. We absorbed art from the minutethe stillness of the work, seeing the reflectionplan another trip to Pastoral and with the The summer of 2016, I was interning at thePS1 opened, until the minute we were toldof my shadow intermixed with the shadows ofrealization that it would not be feasible for Virginia Museum of Fine Arts (VMFA) in the7/8 late-night was over at the Met. I stayed inthose walking past the blank canvas washme to go back in the next ten years. I moved youth and family programs department, aBrooklyn and aimlessly wandered the city, andover me and felt something new. It felt likeback home a few months later, leaving New first step in getting my foot in the door of astumbled upon the Whitney. I had never trulyfear and sadness and excitement all at once.York City behind. I had left teaching students museum. The first time I entered that museumthought about the Whitney until the momentI smiled as tears silently streamed down myin grades 6-11 for students K-5, still trying to was my first day of work. I was stunned byI passed through those revolving doors. As Iface. There were hints of pride and lonelinessfigure out how to work in a museum. Around the piece Art History is Not Linear by Ryanwandered the galleries, I came across Susanmixed together. As I let the other visitorswinter break, a kindergartener, named Lucy, McGuiness that subtly hung high on the leftHalls New York Portrait. She looked peaceful,wander around me, laughing and ignoringand her mom stopped me in the hallway after wall when you enter the main entrance. I stoodas though she was revitalizing her soul. Shethe work, I felt the entire spectrum of humanschool. They had stopped me to share that in the middle of the walkway, staring up at itlooked sad in a sense, but also powerful. For aemotion. I finally tore myself away from thethe weekend prior Lucy got to visit the DMA for causing my neck to cramp. I took a picturefleeting moment, I wanted to be her. I left thepiece when a museum employee asked if I wasthe first time. Mom prompted Lucy to share and sent it to Marc, knowing the minute I sawpainting and wandered out to the top balcony,alright since I hadnt seemed to truly move inher favorite work from the museum, and she it, he needed to, too. I had never been a fanshivering in the cold March wind. The city wasalmost 45 minutes. I went back a few times abashfully looked up at me and said the circle of contemporary art until that piece, whichpeaceful from up there, and everything beganweek to let the pieces peace wash over mepainting of flowers. Her mom clarified it was combined 200 simplified icons from the workto feel like it was minethe city, the Whitney,(and to enjoy the air conditioning).the Monet Water Lilies that was a circular in the VMFAs collection. I spent all summerthe moment, my life. Nearing my two-year NYC residencycanvas in a square frame. I laughed as I I returned to Brooklyn a couple monthsanniversary and 25th birthday, I took myselfblinked back tears and told them I knew it later and stayed with my friend again whileon a solo trip throughout the entire country ofwell. As I drove home that night, I reflected attending job fairs. Together we went to theFrance. I had planned out visits to 19 museumson the journey I had had with art museums Brooklyn Museum to see The Dinner Party byin 5 cities in 9 days, the first and only multiover the last 2 decades of my life and hoped Details from notebook, watercolor on paper,Judy Chicago. He held my hand as we madevisit being Muse dOrsay. I was determinedLucy would one day have her own journeys of Allison Gaughan, 2022 our way around the table, wrapping his armto see my favorite work from undergrad, oneself-discovery and growth and find her own around my waist as I burst with the excitementthat most of the people in my life thought wascommunity among the artists who found their Figure 6: Brooklyn Dinner of seeing the place settings that I had sointeresting and far from beautiful, Czanneshome in museums.Figure 7: Whitney PortraitFigure 8 MoMA RauschenbergFigure 9: dOrsay Gaugin9TRENDS // PAGE 34PAGE 35 // TRENDS'